Hi there all you Joe Six-Packs and hockey moms out there in the great state of Minnesota, it’s me, Sarah! Mind if I call ya Joe?
Ryan asked me to do a little guest blog appearance here and answer a question or two that you might have about me and my maverickness and I just might not answer the way that Ryan wants me to, but I’ll speak right straight to you, the good ol’ regular folks who read this here blog.
Well, it’s just so nice to be here, comin’ on down from the great state of Alaska where we have our moose and the keepin’ freedom safe from Russia for all a you for when Putin, you know, Putin rears his head over the oil. And it’s so important, ya know, just so important that we reform Washington and fix up the economy and protect, ya know, protect, our energy interests from terrorists who want to blow up our pipelines and pal around with Obama. I mean, gosh, ya know? I can’t believe we’re even thinkin’ about lettin’ some big government liberal terrorist have a shot at the big chair! Say it ain’t so Joe!
Now, I didn’t just waltz in here with my lipstick and my glasses to tell the truth to you folks, no, about the security and my qualifications, which, are, you know, more than that Obama fella has with his so-called community service at that Muslim school with the terrorists, but also to address the very important issue of healthcare. Ya know, healthcare is very important to me. When you’re a six-pack drinkin’ maverick hockey mom with a newborn Down Syndrome baby and a pregnant teenage daughter, well, you find yourself spending a lot of time, ya know, hangin’ around the doctor’s office and well, you see people, not us of course cuz the great state of Alaska pays my bills, but you see people with things, you know, healthcare things, going on. And that’s why John McCain and I are going to reform Washington.
I know a lot of you folks have seen me parodied on TV by Tina Fey and all that and had a good laugh and all, and ya know, up in Alaska it isn’t like a foreign country where you are thinking “wow, how do you keep in touch with what’s happening in Washington” and all that, believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America so I know about all that. And anyhow, I just want a chance to state, for the record, my positions and John McCain’s positions on the issues that are so important to, you know, to America and to Americans so you can see how, lettin’ in a child molestin’ terrorist lovin’ Muslim like Obama and all that is, you know, not what a maverick like Ronald Reagan would do for our Down Syndrome babies in Alaska and other hard-working white Americans:
- The Healthcare Thing: Now, the Palin and McCain healtcare plan is simple, ya see. We just tax your benefits so we can give $5000 a year to your employer so you can pay for your own healthcare, or something like that. Oh sure, there’s lots of talk about our plan makin’ 20 million people lose their healthcare and replacing plans valued at $12,000 a year with a $5,000 a year one and makin’ it more confusin’ and all but don’t believe those terrorists who tell ya that stuff, we’re mavericks and our mavericky maverickism will take care of ya, dontcha know?
- Now, my son Trig… or maybe it’s Track… or Truck… oh gosh, I lose track (Oh, a pun! Look who’s clever now Tina Fey!), but my son is over in Iraq now and wouldn’tcha know it but he loves to compete. Gosh he sure does, God bless ‘em, I still remember when he was in preschool and shot his first moose and how he was so proud to have his mom cut out the still beating heart of his prey so he could take a big warm bloody bite and officially join the Palin clan, but as I was sayin’. I didn’t send my son over to Iraq to raise a big ol’ white flag of surrender! No sir, no I did not. In the Palin household it’s kill or be killed (unless you’re an embryo) and we won’t have none of that surrender flag wavin’. That’s why in a Palin administration you’ll have a war that just goes on and on and on and on because any end to the war is obviously giving the Al-Quaeda people and their leader Obama all the things they want to have. Is that what America wants? Do we want Obama Hussein Bin Saddam and his “underground” terrorist network of radical racist Muslims bringing our troops home? Heck no! That’s not what I call freedom up here in Alaska where we protect, you know, protect you all from Putin.
A big ol’ thanks to Ryan for lettin’ me come on here and speak right straight to the American people. I know you’ll look deep in your heart, in your gut, your instincts, the ones the Lord in his wisdom instilled in us to keep us safe from the dinosaurs back in the Garden of Eden, and you’ll see that I’m just like you and, darn it, you deserve leadership that understands what real Americans are like for real America. We have a divine mandate here in our great country. First, Jesus gave us the land over those heathens, then he brought us to this momentous election in which the glass ceiling can finally be shattered and I, Sarah Palin, can look over my great country and all you swell people and just thank him and praise him day and night for blessing my work. And when John kicks the bucket and Todd and I are sworn in as the first couple, then the healtcare and the jobs and the economy and the moose and all the newspapers and all that, you know, all that Roe v. Wade and the books and all, all of it, well, I think you know what I’m sayin’.
Thanks for listenin’ and please, vote Palin, oh, and McCain, 2008! God bless! Go Warriors!
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