I have heard from a few people about what’s going on in my life and I have to admit I have been a little surprised by who those people have been in a couple of cases. It’s great to know people care, especially when I didn’t really anticipate it. So to everyone who has called or emailed or commented here, thanks. I appreciate it.
On wednesday I had a 2 1/2 hour meeting with the elders. They were kind, supportive and tried to give me some things to think about. I’m trying to think about them, trying to look at things from a different perspective. They weren’t able to provide explanations or answers to my questions or rebuttals to the evidence I have learned about and admitted as much. They did, however, attempt to give me some different ways to think about the issue of whether or not I can honestly continue to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. They said that the scientific issues I had raised could not really be addressed by the Society and even acknowledged that it was possible the Society was wrong on some points (a surprising thing to hear coming from two elders). They agreed that it was better to be honest about all of this than to be hypocritical and pretending I believed things I did not believe. They suggested, however, that rather than basing my faith on the truth or falsehood of a literal interpretation of Genesis that I consider perhaps judging the organization on the basis of it’s fruitage. Looking at the fact that Witnesses don’t kill each other in wars, show love to one another and the like. Perhaps, they have suggested, I can come to recognize those qualities as proof that they are God’s organization.
This line of reasoning was also put forth by my dad and my sister and my brother and a few others as well. I’m trying to judge for myself if it can be enough for me. I’ve never been convinced by that line of reasoning in the past. I always figured that any human group can be good and moral if that is the code they chose to live by. The Amish come to mind as do lots of other fundamentalist, God fearing, Bible-based groups. Does it illustrate divine guidance or simply the inherent desire of certain people to live lives that are moral? I’ve always assumed the latter. It wouldn’t be enough to simply say “the morality of the Organization is a good thing and I agree with it so I can be a part of it” because of the witnessing aspect. I could not witness to people things I did not believe. If I believed the Garden of Eden account was a myth, I couldn’t tell somebody it was a historical event and the cause for suffering in the world today. I mean, I could, but not without lying. So, it’s not enough to admire the traits of the organization, I actually have to convince myself that they are irrefutable proof of God’s involvement (if I can’t convince myself of the historicity of the Bible). I have to be so convinced of this that I am able to accept the idea that Satan has altered all the scientific evidence I’ve seen (including DNA, fossils, the Earth’s crust, starlight and the laws of physics). If science tells me human beings are a species twenty times more ancient than the Bible says, I have to be so convinced by the organization’s fruitage that I can ignore that or discount it or I am stuck being a hypocrite. It’s an incredible quandry… Even if I want to be in the organization for some reasons (friends, family, agreement with many moral teachings) I can’t really do it at the cost of being a hypocrite about doctrines. I know this way of thinking is enough for a lot of people and I’m trying to determine if it can honestly be enough for me. Can it be a jumping off point for faith?
Another point that has been brought up by a few people is the feeling they have of a close relationship with Jehovah. The feeling they have that they are drawn to him, that he helps them in their daily lives. Some people have suggested that I look there as a starting point. That I try to cultivate a relationship with him in my heart. This I know I can’t do without something else to go on because I know that devout people of all faiths believe just as firmly that they have a close relationship with God in their hearts. The human mind and emotions can definitely make you feel that, entirely on their own. That’s the only possible explanation for the fact that every suffciently devout person feels it, regardless of their religion. I know that’s not enough for me. I need to believe that he is real first, and then that he wrote this book, second and finally that he’s guiding the Watchtower Society, third. I just can’t approach it from the “personal relationship” standpoint. I’ve determined that much.
So, my conclusions so far:
1. science definitively disproves a literal interpretation of many key Bible accounts, but does not definitively prove or disprove the existence of God
2. faith in God is not, for many people, based on acceptance of the historical accuracy or infallibility of the Bible
3. the only way I can see that I can in good conscience present myself as a witness is if one of these other methods of developing faith is sufficiently powerful to negate point #1 in my own mind
4. no matter what I do, my decision must be based on being entirely honest with myself and the people around me, not on a desire to be a part of a group
And that’s where I’m at….
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i understand . . . (Anonymous) 2004-04-30 07:32 pm UTC (link)     |
| some of your issues and yeah you need to be honest with yourself, comfortable with yourself, you need to be able to live with yourself. why do scientists keep researching? are the answers that science had 50 years ago the same as the answers today? 50 years is a long time to wait to confirm something. i’m an accountant, i look at numbers on a sheet of paper and am pretty sure they are right and a week to 6 months later i’m done the work proving that the numbers are correct. it drives me nuts sometimes. how did i know the numbers were right in the first place? probably because of other factors not directly related to the numbers. maybe it’s the ‘fruitage’ of the numbers : ) i’m glad you are not letting emotional matters get too much in the way of your search, the heart is misleading sometimes and yes people of all religions and walks of life have feelings of closeness in their heart. you said “the scientific issues I had raised could not really be addressed by the Society and even acknowledged that it was possible the Society was wrong on some points” it’s interesting that when i was struggling with unsettled issues comments like that brought me relief for some non obivious reason. i still don’t have all the answers i want but being a student of the bible is a continual process and being a scientist is a continual process. i wish you all the best |
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The Learning Process and the Grace of Change (Anonymous) 2004-05-01 11:44 pm UTC (link) |
| First, I need to tell you that I am proud of you: you are entering onto a path that appears hidden and treacherous. But you continue on knowing that this will lead you somewhere. A man nick-named Sinjun said that in order to progress as a moral community and as True individuals, we must go through Dark Nights of the Spirit. Just as biology proves that humans do most of their physical growing during the night, so do we grow during the metaphoric night spiritually & emotionally. In order to find comfort, satisfaction, and honesty within our own personal faiths we need to know ourselves and follow through on the path in darkness. The reward is a higher level of consciousness and an acceptance of self and others that will continue to grow. You are leaving a Mystic-Literal faith and entering into a period of Truth-seeking. This is good. Despite the academia and science of your approach, in order to learn anything of value, you also need to search with your heart and soul–not just the facts of your mind. They are all interconnected and if you ignore one, you ignore all: you will not grow. And most of all, I want to see you grow. I see the potential there for a spirituality that can bring you joy rather than anger & frustration. It is a difficult path; the light is dim and confusing. But the returns are so great, for you and for those who love you. Once again, I am proud of you. |
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