It was cold when I got up this morning. I took the dog out and I was shivering and I was trying to figure out if that was better or worse than all the thick humid heat we’ve been having. Now that the sun has been up for a while, it’s warmed up a bit more. In fact, the temperature right now is about as perfect as it is possible to get and I am really enjoying sitting here and waiting for the bus. I wish that I didn’t even have to get on the bus, that I could just stay sitting here and playing on my laptop and skip work altogether but I know I cannot do that.
Anyhow, instead of any profound thoughts this morning, all I can think about is the weather…
I think it’s going to be important this winter to get Amanda out of Minnesota as much as possible. The weather here could literally kill her if she has to stay too much. When it gets all cold like that her head gets so messed up. It’s really terrible. Right now she has plans to go travel in England in September, either alone or with Jess and Robyn. I think that would be great for her. Her and I are also talking about Italy in November. The worst months, Jan-March, I think maybe she could do some road-tripping, go stay with her sister in Florida, etc…. I’ll miss her, but it’s the only way to keep her from descending into the same madness she did last year and the year before. I don’t think we’re going to be able to stay living in this state forever.
Last night I had a horrible dream that about 1/3 of the hair on my head fell out in this big nasty pattern on the top of my head that wasn’t a spot but more of a big swirl. There was no way to cover it or help it. It was just BAD and I was frantically trying to fix it. Two things about myself that really bother me… glasses and thin hair. I really wish that neither one was a problem. I mean, I can use stuff to try to make my hair regrow (I did use Rogaine, and it worked, but it started to make my head itch all the time and I had to stop… that made me really sad). I can wear contacts (and I do, every once and a while). But, most people take for granted the ability to see without assistance. I haven’t known that feeling since 4th grade. Most people take for granted that there is hair on their heads. I have been fighting the retreat of my hair since I was 22. I wear my hair really really short because it minimizes my hair loss. Not because I like the style. I am sick to death of it. But, there is no other style I can have. I am stuck, looking exactly how I look right now and that is annoying.
So, some people (you know who you are, even if I don’t) have found and read this journal and preferred to stay anonymous. That’s cool. I don’t care who reads it because, well, my personal life is not a big secret for me. i mean, yes, there are parts of it that only my wife and I know and other things that only I know, but it’s not like the things I write in this journal are unfit for public consumption. So, friends, whoever, if you read this, it’s completely fine by me.
I spoke to Sy on the phone last night. He was telling me about a girl in Vancouver that he was dating and that they were pretty serious. I really hope they get married. I would love for Sy to settle down, get hitched… that would be great. I miss Sy and Chad and the other Chad and all the times we all had together back when we were all young. It’s just never the same after a certain point. I’ve lost more friends than I ever had.
Impromptu Poetry….
tunnels, souls, bridges
art from the underground
create a new life
built from scratch
carved from bits
left over in your debris
persist and thrive
despising self
and those you feed on
beautiful vampire
tragic victim
talk
they never want you
for your mind
